Conflicts may even strengthen your relationship, if you learn how to properly resolve them. What is the main thing in your relationship with the girl? Common interests? Stunning sex? No, but these factors also play a significant role. The main thing is the ability to cope with quarrels, says Wendy Walsh, the founder of AskALoveGuru website – a community of relationship professionals giving advices to families. She states that conflicts are part of our lives, and she does not believe in avoiding them. But if you can stop the skirmish before it grows into a big brawl, conflicts can make you closer, not separate. In addition, letting the steam off is good for health: a recently published study conducted by the University of Michigan researchers has found that couples who suppress their anger in silence, die earlier than those who quarrel regularly. Here is a plan to resolve any conflict and move to the most interesting thing called conciliatory sex.
Do not hesitate to interrupt the quarrel
Anger causes a physiological response in the body, increasing the heart rate, says Walsh. And you can forget of calm and rational dialogue in such a state. If you feel that you move to caps lock voice, try to interrupt the quarrel and, strange as it may sound, go for a walk. Walsh advises you to explain to your partner that you want to engage in a constructive dialogue, but now you are not able to do it.
Find out what’s the matter
Having calmed down, go to the very essence of the problem, of course, if your woman has not said it to your face. Carefully find out the reasons of the conflict. For instance, she can feel abandoned because you hang out with friends instead of spending the evening with her. If she is angry with you for checking work email during the joint dinner, she may think that you’re ignoring her.
Tell her what she wants to hear
Now that you know what bothers her, try to immediately terminate the dispute, Walsh offers. Say to her: “Look, your experience is quite logical, I understand you perfectly.”, and add apologizes to your speech. This trick works even if there are still differences between you and her: you can assume that you have deserved to spend the evening with friends, and she may feel abandoned. But often all that she needs is realizing that her feelings are understood and appreciated. “She will understand that you have heard it, and the conflict will end”, Walsh promises.
Have sex after a quarrel
Sex after a quarrel perfectly helps smooth out the negative. Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, an expert in family relationships, considers that endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin, which are produced during sex, balance adrenaline rush, which occurred during a quarrel. Therefore, get your partner into bed after a quarrel. If you still have unresolved issues, you can set the record straight after sex, as this is a right time to do it. According to a recent study published in the Communication Monographs journal, orgasm promotes serious conversations, since it increases the level of oxytocin – a hormone that reduces stress associated with feelings of confidence.